And they’re pretty wild. Will you choose TNT Orange or Ginster Yellow?

The Volkswagen Golf R is getting on a wee bit now. It has been around four years in its current form, and has recently been made to look a little staid and sensible by madcap hot hatch rivals like the Honda Civic Type R and Hyundai i30N.

VW’s found a way to fight back, though. It’s increased your range of colour options by 900 per cent. A whole 40 new hues have joined the range, and nearly all of them are gob-smacking.

Each one will set you back a premium – and could swell your waiting time for a Golf R to four months. But if you like a bit of attention, it ought to be worth the wait. So join us on a whistle-stop tour of our favourites…

Ginster Yellow

Yes, VW has named a colour after everyone’s favourite motorway-service-station-at-11:13pm pastry-clad snack. Mind, we’ve never eaten one that was this colour.

Curry Yellow

Remaining on questionable things to put in your tummy, this one’s Curry Yellow. Can’t say we’ve ever seen a curry this colour. But we’ve seen something the day after that wasn’t far off…

Bordeaux Red

For those who are far classier than a late-night pasty or a takeaway curry, we present a more high-brow option, the Golf R for fans of mature dinner parties.

Cliff Green

And now for something a little more eye-searing. Have you ever seen a cliff that was this green? If so, how many barriers warning of radiation poisoning had you passed?

Nogaro Blue

Audi had sold cars in Nogaro Blue. The old – and wonderful – RS2 was painted thus. A four-wheel drive, uber-powerful practical car, the Golf R has a lot in common with it.

Mars Red

This one, meanwhile, pays tribute to a colour first painted on the mk1 Volkswagen Golf GTI. A car the Golf R is approximately 450 times quicker than around any given track.

Sarantos Turquoise

You can buy other VWs in this colour. But you probably won’t.

Magma Orange

If you want to buy the latest Renault Megane RS purely because of its colour, then halt; you can now have the Golf R in something suspiciously similar.

TNT Orange

Edge the tiniest bit darker along the colour chart and you’ll arrive at TNT Orange. Worth it purely for when you have to fill in the ‘colour’ section of your car registration document.

Traffic Purple

A colour thus named because it resembles the colour of your delivery van driver’s face upon being presented with particularly bad gridlock.

Dark Violet Pearl

No whimsy here: we absolute love this, and were it not for the Golf R no longer being our favourite hot hatch, we’d be happily spending extra on this colour with great haste.

STORY Stephen Dobie